「I talked to my boss, but nothing changed…」- 「I’m trying to get my team to agree, but it’s not working.」
- 「The company doesn’t listen to its employees…」
- 「My dog won’t listen to me.」
- 「I’ve given up trying to do my own will…」
Why don’t they listen when there are so many more efficient ways to do things and so many things that need to be fixed?
Why can’t we agree on something?
A long time ago, there was a wise man in a country. The wise man had the right theory to make the country better.
What did the wise man do to explain his theory to the king? After becoming a cook and working hard to gain the king’s trust, he finally advised the king on how to improve the country.
The king then listened to the wise man, whom he trusted. The king listened to the wise man, whom he trusted, and the country succeeded in becoming the hegemon of China.
On the contrary, the different wise men, even before they had gained enough trust, started advising the king without hesitation, resulting in some being whipped and others being killed. Some were whipped and some were killed. They were treated so badly even though they had earnestly tried to do the right thing.
When people listen to opinions, they do not judge them based on whether they are “right” or “wrong,” but rather on whether they “like” or “dislike” the person who expressed the opinion.
I’m sure you’ve experienced this before, but more often than not, you buy things based on the advice of a friend or a favorite celebrity rather than the famous word of mouth on the Internet.
It turns out that the essence of what people listen to is not the right argument, but the emotional part.
Trust and confidence
So what is trust?
What is trust, and how do we gain it?
Confidence
Buying someone’s time is a form of trust.
You can give your time to the other person by doing things for them that would otherwise take up their time (such as creating documents).
The amount of time you give is proportionally higher than the amount of trust you receive.
On the other hand, if you make a mistake in the work you are asked to do and take up the other person’s time (checking time, responding to apologies, etc.), you will lose credibility.
In other words, trust comes from taking action to increase the other person’s time.
Trust
Time spent with the other person on the same goal is trust.
In order to achieve our goals, we experience various kinds of failures, successes, and problem solving.
It is only when you share those various experiences that trust is created, and the more time you share, the more you trust.
Be aware that trust will not be created otherwise.
summary
A word from Campisi.
The difficulty of preaching to the sovereign is not that it is difficult to know what you are preaching.
Psalm 12: From “The Affliction
Nor is it that it is difficult to use eloquence to convey one’s intentions clearly.
Nor is it that it is difficult to speak freely and to the extent that one is able to do so.
The difficulty in preaching lies in the ability to read the mind of the person you are trying to persuade and to adapt your argument to that mind.
To put it in modern terms, it is not difficult to learn how to express an opinion, nor is it difficult to learn how to communicate it. The most difficult thing is to be able to adapt your opinion to the intention of the other person. That’s how I feel.
If you want to get your opinion across, you must first do something to earn his trust.
It is very important to “gain the king’s trust” as mentioned in the story at the beginning.
Opinions are not meant to be voiced right away; they require context and timing.
A word from the author
What did you think?
I have always practiced this method in my work.
Another advantage of this method is that since I am basically submissive until I gain their trust, I can listen to their opinions and see if there is a better way of doing things, and I can see things from a different perspective.
This experience allows us to think flexibly without sticking to our own opinions.
Humans are special creatures with thoughts.
Rather than making quick judgments about whether something is good or bad, consider it from various angles, and I think you will enjoy your life.
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